Well, Emmanuel, With my ex-husband, he never abused me, and before this past month, no white man had ever hit me.. I had been beaten a bit, years ago, when I was raped by those Black guys, but that, I figured, was part of being raped, so didn't think about it.
At first, I didn't enjoy being beaten, and abused.. not at all.. But I came to realize that, as a white woman who wants to be able to please Black Men, I should learn to take any, and all abuse, that they wanted to dish out..At first, it was like "well, I know that if I take it, and not piss him off, he'll give me that Black cock I want so bad..".. Later, I came to enjoy it more and more, actually having orgasms from being used like a cheap slut, and stronger ones, from being beaten!
Now, I'm to the point that, on those occasions when one of my Black Lovers wants a slow, gentle, loving session, I enjoy it, and I have orgasms, but they are nowhere NEAR as intense as when my Black Men (and some of the white guys, when my Black Men tell me to service them) treat me like shit, and slap me around!
I mentioned a while back, about being told to meet my Men on the corner, wearing nothing but a raincoat and heels, with the raincoat open, for all to see me naked underneath.
What I don't think I mentioned, was that I wound up being taken to a warehouse, stripped of the coat, tied up, and beaten repeatedly, by my Men, and a friend of theirs, who happens to be a real sadist!
I was marked pretty good, whipped, cropped, punched, slapped, and sexually misused, and abused, far worse than normal! I had a black eye, both lips were swollen, and I couldn't sit for days...I typed standing up, slept in constant pain for two days, and it hurt to even move much!
But I know that, while they were laying in to me, I was having some serious, gut-wrenching orgasms!!
I'm actually hoping that it wasn't a one-time thing, and that it will be repeated at least a couple of times a year!
I suppose I'm becoming somewhat over a "pain-slut", but that's ok.. I can deal with it..
So, to answer the question, "How do I REALLY feel about the abuse?"
I guess I can honestly answer this way...